Mean girls.

Yes, the good old mean girl. I, like most people have one in me and she sneaks out here and there to make an appearance. Mostly, she reminds me of the person I used to be and am now embarrassed about. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect - I still make fun, I still judge but I try hard not to unless it's in good fun with good friends and isn't taken seriously.

So as background, in public and high school I was on a mission to create a level playing field. I decided it was my purpose to ensure that the kids who "thought" they were cool (which was obviously my decision if they were deemed real cool or fake cool) that were mean to the actually nice not-so-cool kids were put in their place. So for instance, if Susan thought she was cool and made fun of Sophie who was a nice girl and didn't bother anyone I would make Susan's life a living hell.

I've explained this to people umpteenth times and everyone says "there's nothing wrong with that!" but oh my friend, there is. You see, I run into the people I decided to put in there place all the time. I live in the same town I grew up in. I am ashamed of how I acted and treated people just because I didn't agree with how they acted. Due to this, when one of them is serving me at a restaurant I hid my face and it even made me avoid getting into social media because I'd left that person behind and didn't want it to re-surface courtesy of others.

My latest "it always comes back tenfold" happened last night when I was working at my new job. I thought I saw someone I was not so nice to and it turns out he is now my co-worker - was just hired. Awesome, not. So not. I dodged him to high heaven last night and I am so nervous for what our first conversation will be like.

I started thinking about why I was the way I was and I actually think the whole "level playing field" was just an excuse to be mean to people because I was angry and upset about my parents splitting up so I decided to find a way to get my aggression out that no one would really call me out on. Pretty smart for a 12 year old, hey? However, I found myself out - about 18 years later. I'll catch you my pretty!

Anyways, my plan is to just be my real, self-assured self with anyone from the past I may meet. If it comes up, damn right I'm going to apologize but if it doesn't perhaps they're over it and have realized I was just an angry teen whose parents were in the middle of a divorce and was lashing out at whoever I felt I could without jeopardizing my morals too much.

Sometimes mean girls are mean for life, sometimes they grow-up. I'm in the adolescent stage and I hope I reach adulthood soon. I guess I'm going to find out soon when I have to confront my evil ways head on.

Now that was a difference post wasn't it? Interesting.

Baby crack withdrawals

Just for the hell of it. I thought that would be a fun title and I think I might be going through them.

Day two of back to work and man oh man I do not know how people get used to spending SO little time with their wee ones. It's fantastic working again and seeing all my work peeps but WHOA talk about an adjustment. I mean you go from 12 hours to 3 hours a DAY. WTF.

No idea how he or I will handle it if I get a part-time job on top of going back to work.

On the positive side babycakes is doing really well at his daycare home and I feel really comfortable with his sitter (who happens to be my girlfriends girlfriend - definitely helps).

I'm already dreaming up ways that I can be with him more often - job sharing, selling our house and working part-time evenings etc. everyone says you get used to it but I really can't see how it's possible.

Another thing that this time of year got me thinking is how awful it is that people want their kids to go back to school so they stop bothering them. I know I'm not in the position or anything but man - you brought these bundles of joy into the world and now you want them to leave you alone? Weird. Did you think it was going to be a super easy job? C'mon peeps!

Anywho, just an observation that I'd like to not follow the trend on. I'd prefer to work say 4-5 hours when the babe goes to bed so if anyone upstairs is listening and can make that happen you'd have a very happy camper down here. I might even go to church - PUH-LEASEEEEEEEE!!

Ta-ta.

Shreddin' it up

Anyone heard of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred?

I hadn't until one of hubbies friends wives told me about it. Said it kicks your you know what in a 20 minute workout and that you honestly get results.

Sounds good right? So I'm on day 4 and haven't actually had the moment when I think - oh shit I have to do that workout again and my head chants "I hate it, I hate it, I hate it".

When I'm doing the workout the end is in sight right from the very beginning...halfway through when I feel like punching myself in the face I think, hey, 10 more minutes...YOU CAN DO IT and I do.

So 4 days in and I feel good. I'm taking pictures daily of myself and will post photo of day 1 and photo of day 30 when I'm done. Let's hope the resuts are good. I have to tone down my eating but hey, I'm working out and that's half the battle.

So, for all of you thinking "I should" just do it, 20 minutes baby, 20 minutes.

Oh and if you want more deets about it basically it's 3 different circuits and they each are on a 3-2-1 basis. Three minutes strength, two minutes cardio and one minute abs.

Shred baby, shred!

Crushin' the ceiling.

Hm. Interesting title you say? Yes, it is isn't it!

So I said I was going to talk career moves in my next post...so here they are.

#1 - (and short term) I applied to a new role in my department which is a 1 year maternity leave position. I was urged to take the role before I left (which was full-time at that point and was filled with a girl who is now pregnant) but I didn't like the idea of going away for a year and having a contract person mould the brand new position and then come back and have to execute what they'd put together. Just didn't sit well with me. Looks like everything happens for a reason and the job is open as for September and guess when I go back to work? That's riiiiight - September. Done and done - I got it in the bag (not that I've interviewed yet but I just know it).

#2 - (not sure how long this will last) I'm getting a part-time job. I went for an interview at The Keg on Tuesday and after meeting with both the hiring manager and the scheduling manager I'm pretty sure that's in the bag. Training won't start until mid-August in hopes that the people they hire will be G2G in early September - I'm hoping the job will be fun (young people to work with and happy people on a fancy night out) as well as earn some extra loot for the much needed house related things we have coming up in the fall - such as a new furnace (2500) and a new ac unit (2500) in the spring. We're also going to need a new roof soon and I got a quote for that - $5000 bucks. FML.  So yes, a second job is required and I'm doing my best to be a positive patty about it. Other bonuses to working here are that we get discounts (YUM!) and they're only open for dinner so say from 3 or 4 p.m. (depending on weekday or weekend) and they close at 10. So all I'll really be missing babywise is dinner and bedtime which is the crankiest period anyways.

#3 - (long-ish term) I applied a month ago or so for a management position at the College and didn't get it because I applied too late and they were already conducting 2nd interviews (I got a call from my mentor the day after I applied saying they'd hired someone - BOO!). It showed that it was a full-time forever type job on the website but I heard through the grapevine that the person they hired they only offered a contract of 1 year to because they weren't sure he could hack it. I WILL GET THIS JOB IF IT COMES UP. No doubt, no doubt.

#4 - (SO LONG TERM IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY) I will be the Director of Communications and Marketing. I'm going to get my BPA in Communication Studies from Athabasca or I'll wait it out and see if UOIT offers something to DC staff. I'm not sure which route I'll take at the moment but I'm a big believer in things just falling into place so I'm hoping this will too! I worked in the department before, love it and just know it's my end spot. Not only will I love the job but I will also make it on the SUNSHINE LIST. Ya boyeee!

So, now that I've just put this on paper I'm accountable right? RIGHT!

Sweet.

MUST GO!

http://thetablebycarol.ca/

SO PUMPED....only a 10 minute walk from home!

Life is about to get crazy!

Not only is Alex going back to work after a 2 week hiatus but I'm in the home stretch of maternity leave. I will officially be back to work the day after Labour Day and although I have completely and utterly loved my time off I'm pretty excited to get my brain back into gear. As a kid I always thought my dream was to be a stay at home mom (perhaps because that's what I grew up with until about grade 8) but after being one for a year I know I'll be "ok" going back to work but I also know I'd love to work say, 20 hours a week versus 40. Unfortunately, that's not going to be possible (see a post a few back if you need more details) for a while so going back to a job I love, with people I adore suits me about as best as it can at this point in time. I am seriously going to crave - best word I could come up with - seeing my little man and I know I am going to cry for a week but I can do it. I know it. What I need to focus on is that I'm going to have PERSONAL TIME EVERYDAY FOR A WHOLE 8 HOURS (while AWAKE!!!) - no poopy diapers, no barfs, no nap schedules, a quiet lunch...(I'm trying to make myself feel better here but none of the things I just wrote actually bother me all that much) but also no snuggles, smiles, belly laughs, walks, dance parties, park trips or lunches smeared from head to toe etc.
I am so happy that the woman we're leaving our beast with is fantastic. I can literally see the love pouring out at her from the kids she already watches and one of the Mom's is keeping her kid with her 2 days a week because she'd miss her too much. Now that's what you want in a daycare!!
Okay, more to come. Maybe not baby related....next time I'm going to write about some career moves I'm going to make this year. It's going to happen because I'm going to make it happen - just because that's what I do. BAM.

Oh how I love my family!

Elbeanio, Lillymanilly and Balboski-pie. Jungle Cat World - June 4, 2012.

Meaghan and Emma came to visit and we had such a fabulous time! It was Emma's birthday so we had a mini birthday party on Sunday evening with all the local family members. Great dinner conversation as usual (which means it was all inappropriate!).

Lilly came to our house for the day instead of going to daycare on Monday so she, Emma and Meaghan could get to know each other better since they don't get to see each other often living a few hours away. We had sucha fabulous day! We went to Jungle Cat World and were about 4 feet away from so many crazy animals - lions, jaguars, tigers, hyenas, lynx and more. So amazing. The wee ones all got to feed a donkey and we had a peacock jump up on our picnic table trying to get at our lunch. Lilly and Emma had a fabulous time and Noah was so excited he wanted to walk everywhere. After 2 hours they were all smiles and we got this shot of them on the lion.

Such great memories.

Gas smile

- 4 days old.

Oh, life.

I'm about to admit something that most don't have the guts to do. They go on acting like everything is fine, racking up the credit card bills and closing their eyes.

I'm a pretty positive. Life has been extremely kind to my family and all in all I just don't have a lot to complain about. I am very blessed and haven't  forgot that.....HOWEVER, having it all (what it feels like for me) for so long has made me spoiled. I've never gone without since I've been in the working world; things have come easily and I've been completely and utterly spoiled. Not to say that I haven't worked for everything that has come my way, but it's all come and that's what I'm getting at.

I suppose I'm finally getting a little dose of welcome to the real world. I thought having a baby would be a huge change, but it's been more like another re-adjustment period like moving in with Alex, buying a house, getting a new job etc. I mean, life has changed for sure, but for the most part (other than the lack of sleep) it is all pretty doable on a daily basis. Now that the wee man is 11 months (holy crap) he's as easy as pie and it's amazing.

So, for what is going on (and the real meat of this post)....our plan was to live in our old house for 10 years or so. We were going to save up and buy a house on our dream street once we were all set financially. Well, when the dream house came up on our dream street during my maternity leave, we went to the bank and they said we could "afford" (please notice the quotes) it. Of course, we jumped on it perhaps without really looking too far in advance. Looking back at our old life at our previous house, man we had it easy financially (which didn't feel like it was THAT easy at the time). We would've had no problem doing small renos, paying for daycare, going out for dinner here and there or into the city for a dance party night.

Oh, how things have changed.

For the past 6 months or so since we moved into the new house I've been doing my best to go without. I bought some new clothes at Christmas with gift cards and got my hair done (as inexpensively as possible) every 2.5-3 months or so but other than that my spending has been nil. I'm sure you all know Alex is a thrifty shopper to say the least so all was good there. But after 3 weddings in 4 months, a broken fridge, Alex's truck needing new brakes, opening the pool, and a couple of $500 winter gas bills...man, oh man, oh man. The savings are gone. The worst part is that in an old house there is always something....we need our chimney fixed sooner than later, the basement ceiling needs to be dry-walled and a woodstove is also something that in the long run will save us money (see $500 winter gas bill).

Please don't get me wrong, our bills are being paid but that's about as far as our money is going and to top it off daycare will be $700 a month pretty soon and me going back to work isn't going to change our income. BRUTS.

I'll admit that I've been slighty ignoring the situation. I really came to terms with it this week when I needed a couple of new bras because the old bod has made some changes. I honestly couldn't validate spending $50 on TWO bras. This is unheard of for me. Luckly the old girls have gone down a size so the flimsy Joe Fresh bras that were 2 for $20 at the old grocery store seem to be doing the trick (shoot me now).

I also was supposed to be going out this Saturday for a fantastic bachelorette for one of my VERY favourite girls including dinner/drinks, dancing, hotel, and brunch the next day. After figuring the night will cost about $250 and taking into account I couldn't bring myself to spend $50 on bras, I've opted out of the sleepover and am going to just do dinner, a couple of drinks and dancing. It's just about the saddest decision I've had to make in a while but it's the right one and I'll feel a heck of a lot less guilty in the long run.

I wonder how long life will be like this? I'm hoping a higher paying job comes up when I go back to work!
So I guess life is all about choices. We chose to go without  now in hopes that in the long run we'd have much more by tackling a big mortgage while we were young. Maybe I wasn't prepared for how "without" it would be. I suppose putting a budget together is in order....

FYI - right now I'm sitting in a pair of shorts that are about 5 years old and they literally hang off of me. I must say, it's a good thing I have a husband who loves me, a baby who doesn't care what I look like and some pretty high self-esteem if I do say so myself!

So, if you don't see my outfit on the latest catwalk (not that you ever would have) - you know why! LOL.

talk about a hiatus!

Holy moly - I haven't posted since January! WTF? Oops!

Well, Mr. Noah Balboa has been keeping me on my toes and going slightly crazy regarding the never ending "nap game" it's probably the worst game in the world. It goes a little something like this: for a few weeks everything goes smoothly and Noah is going to bed and getting up at relatively the same times, THEN all of a sudden whamo! It's like a switch goes off and he's like NO I am not sleeping when I usually do, NO I am not sleeping 15 minutes later. Guess what lady? I'm not going to sleep AT ALL today. FML - seriously baby? See? Not a fun game.

I'm also on a quest to clear up some various ailments I've been experiencing for most of life like eczema, dermatitis and my awful belly. On the advice of my Naturopathic Doctor I've cut out pretty much anything that made me happy like sugar, salt, caffeine, beef, pork, gluten and dairy. GOOD TIMES!! LOL. I'm so pleasent today. It's actually called "The Elimination Diet" or the "Hypoallergenic Diet" and hasn't been too bad. I've been making lunch and dinner every night which is saving us loads in the going out for meals department. I've lost some lbs - down to 130! OH MY (this is my wedding weight yesssss!). The only negative is that my fuse is quite short with Alex and it doesn't seem like it's going to lengthen since I've been on it for almost 2 weeks you'd think my body would've readjusted......maybe not.

What else?

I ran my first half marathon in 2 hours 11 minutes and 40 seconds....came in 3rd in my sex/age group and am having a medal delivered to me as I type - HELLO BUCKET LIST! I may run another half, I honestly didn't find it all that challenging since we trained so well for it. A full marathon I think would be great but I just don't have the training time to devote to it.

Still debating on when I'm going to go back to work. Could be in late June, early August or if I'm lucky Labour Day. I honestly can't see how we could swing Labour Day financially so I'm going to start planning for early August - just not until after my 30th birthday!! WOOT.

That's about it....nothing to radical.

xo
Jenn

Giving a "hot mess" a whole new meaning...

I am a hot mess; instead of the hot part just think mess.
Boys, let this be your warning - read no further.
So AF came for her first visit post baby - can I just say fucking sick. I guess it's bullshit that it doesn't come until after you finish breastfeeding.
I feel like a teenager...at least I might lose a few pounds given the amount of blood I'm losing. LOL - ewwwwwwwww.....
Today has been one of the grossest days of my life....I "leaked" (think undies, sheet and mattress pad). I cleaned it all up, including myself at 6 a.m. this morning and then baby wakes up at 6:30 (slept through the night) and what happens? My boobs start leaking - yep, that's right. I soaking wet skin coloured nursing bra.
LOL - ewwwwwwwww.....
Now do you see why I feel so sicko? Why is the female body so messed up?
Ugh.
Hahaha - I can't believe I'm about to post this.
I guess giving birth really does make you think anything else is for public consumption.
Bahahahaha.

Can I just say LOVE?

I mean like fullout, hardcore, never ending, enveloping love - a love that even those words which I picked very carefully can't describe!

6 months is by far my favourite age - we've got a SMILER (if he's not going down for a nap), a belly laugher, a sit-on-my-own'er, a joker, a mimic, a wiggler (attempting to crawl), a consistent napper (even if it's not for long I know what to expect), a bath lover and most importantly a shining personality!!

This little guy has charisma - he is a lady killer. In this outfit he might look like he's a real killer (looking a little jailbird like) but that's not the kind I'm talking about (insert ear to ear grin). He knows when someone is joking around - he loves it when I raise my eyebrows or give him a "what's going on here" look (think one eyebrow down and one up).

I am so excited to see him when he's bigger!! I mean, I know he's going to be fabulous - the last month has shown me that but oh my, this is going to be great!!