Friday, February 19, 2016

Trapped

There was a time not so long ago where if someone told me I wouldn't love my career, I would've laughed. The role that I once loved has morphed into a frustrating, mundane and ridiculously boring "job". It does not stimulate me, use many, if any, of my abilities and it actually drains the life out of me on a daily basis.

What changed? Well, in short - about 85% of what I did do (the part I loved) has been reallocated. Our department has gone through a re-organization which has left me doing the 15% of the job that I disliked as my everyday. EVERY. DAY.

Over 4 years and 2 maternity leaves (that have screwed me left right and centre) the event planning, crossover with other departments, committees and creativity has been removed.

The first time I came back, I missed the boat on a new full-time position as I was in baby land and couldn't see passed the fact that I would be off for a year. I was lucky enough though that the new person was pregnant when I returned and I went right into her job when I came back. Oh the joy! Event planning, on campus visits, promotional product picking, marketing, presenting, working with other departments and my favourite, shaping young minds who weren't quite sure where to turn. I was in love, and I was damn good at it. For one year...

When I went back into my old role the parts above had been taken by the new position but we still were out on the road, going to high schools, meeting with our school offices, giving tours and able to help people find their way. It wasn't perfect but it was still good, very good!

The second time I came back it was to a "pilot" (quotations are used because everything I've seen about this pilot seems to read "this is not a pilot we are restructuring your area and that is that"). I was off on maternity leave when I heard of said pilot, and I had co-workers who had been in the position for years calling me and emailing me who were furious. I was still in my land of babies and had my head in the sand.

Our roles which used to be very diverse and had a two very different aspects were streamlined. We were split. My boss decided that because I had a young family that I would like the part of the job where I worked 830-430, Monday-Friday. She didn't ask, she decided. She also decided that two of the most junior people should be the "coordinators" of the two areas (one who had only been in the role for 7 months and was fresh out of university) both of whom have never questioned anything in their lives and are very good at saying "yes". When I asked why I wasn't considered as I'd excelled on both sides she said "you weren't here". I'm pretty sure that is illegal.

So, I thought to myself, well I would like to work 830-430 rather than the shifted hours, I'll see my babies more often, provide them with stability and I can handle it - I'll push through. Boy, was I wrong. I sit at a desk and answer emails and phone calls. I enter in numbers. Then I repeat. The "coordinator" roles have taken all the departmental crossover, the projects that used to stimulate our brains, the last of the event planning and left us with a job that monkeys could do. It is so depressing. SO. DEPRESSING. To top it off, the amount of work I do is enough for at least another employee in peak times, so much so that I feel like I can't even keep my head around what I have to do. We went from 7 employees to 4 with the same, if not more work.

I approached my boss a few months back and told her I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this for my life, that it was horrible for my mental health and that although this role is better for my family I need to be on the other side to keep myself going. She acknowledged what I said told me it would be tough to be on the other side with a family and I honestly feel in my heart that she was just listening as she has to and that nothing will happen.

You say quit? Oh, how I would love to.

Now I have to mention that I love my co-workers, the "job" pays well, has benefits, a good amount of vacation and is literally 5 minutes from home.

Sigh. FML.




Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Moulding

Yes, moulding.

Everything we do as parents shapes the people that our children are in the process of becoming. The reinforcement, encouragement and love but also the not so good stuff.

I worry on a regular basis about whether or not we're doing the right thing. If Noah doesn't want/like what we're eating should I give him something else? If he has a temper tantrum should I let him wail or try to console him? If he squishes berries into mush should I let him to help him develop his senses or scold him for making a mess? If he's learning something new and it's dangerous do I stop it or allow nature to run it's course?

It's so hard to say sometimes!!
 
One thing I do know is that a storey I heard today from an amazing Mom has forever shaped how I will react to challenges that Noah may face growing up when dealing with other people and confrontations about who he is as a person.

I always thought you should sympathize, explain that's how the world is sometimes, tell them the other person is at fault and that things will get better and to turn the other cheek.

After hearing how my friend's child turned out (strong, self-assured and amazing) I realized that there is a better way of going about situations where your child is being criticized that creates a strong, morally sound and a REAL individual.

What I vow to do is to tell him (or her if we have a girl someday) that the way he is IS perfect, he is a leader, he is strong and amazing. That the person who is bothering him is likely only doing it as they're not confident about themselves and that he should actually feel bad for the bully. That what other people say and do is a reflection on them and not really about you. To not let the person see that what they are saying is bothering you and the next time HE should bring up the joke and toss it back to the bully to show that it didn't stick.

Instilling you child with a sense of self and helping them understand that individuality matters (and is amazing) is a much better route than allowing them to become a victim.

Random post but I didn't want to forget this awesome tidbit I picked up!

Who knows if I'll ever use it - maybe someone reading will one day.

xo
Jenn

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Time sure does fly...

So much has happened since I last posted that I just don't know where to start.

I've been working part-time serving. I have been enjoying it for the most part with the exception of how much they've been scheduling me. When I took the job initially the manager and I had discussed 2 shifts per week and they've been giving me more like 3 or 4. Given that I'm already working full-time and I work a few evenings at that job it's getting to be too much with the two combined. I feel like I don't see anyone enough - not Alex or Noah (who I see the most) and especially not my friends and family. I'm so pooped on the nights that I'm not working that I don't have the energy to do much of anything.

I'm at the point now where I either talk to the manager and tell her I can only do 2 shifts or I flat out quit. To be honest, quitting for the most part is where I'm leaning but at the same time I feel like the burden wouldn't be too bad if it was only a couple of shifts per week and the money is fantastic. So what I've decided I'm going to do is talk to the manager, scale down my shifts then give it a month or so and see how I feel. I'm going to quit by the summer regardless so I should be able to suck it up for a bit longer.

On a much more exciting note, Alex and I went to Europe and it was amazing - so much more than I could've ever expected and so good for us to get away and have some quality time. We went to London, Paris and Amsterdam. We were so fortunate to have a friend in London (Big Ben, Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace, Piccadilly Circus, Camden Market, pubs, pubs and more pubs) to show us around and stay with. We saw so much over the 4 days we were there that it was unbelievable. We took the "chunnel" to Paris had another amazing time hitting up all the monuments (Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triumph, Lover's Bridge, Notre Dame, Moulin Rouge) and of course drinking coffee/wine and eating delicious food. We took the train to Amsterdam where I fell in love. It is hard to explain what I felt in Amsterdam - the best way to explain it would be to say that I felt like I was home. As if I could've gone home and picked up Noah and we could've easily just settled into a life there and been very happy. The architecture of all the homes was amazing. The intricately designed roofs, the colours the homes were painted and the slight angle some of them were built on. The canals, birds and boats. The LACK of cars and the abundance of bicycles. Everywhere I looked I found something else that I loved more than the thing before. It was a truly inspirational experience for me and really got my creative juices flowing in terms of décor.  The other amazing thing is the fact that for the most part there isn't a defined cuisine there - Indian, Thai, Indonesian, pubs, Mediterranean, cheese and wine shops. The only true Holland-ish meal we had were pancakes on our second morning. I had a mushroom, tomato and ham one and Alex had a bacon and banana one.  It was just outstanding. The way everyone is accepted - the red light district workers, the people in the "coffee shops", the fact that the city erected a monument for all the gays, lesbians, bi-sexual etc. people who had ever felt wronged or persecuted. The Anne Frank house - oh my word. It was so chilling to see but also so eye opening and enlightening.

On to the next thing, Noah...oh my little baby boy. He isn't so little anymore! He's 20 months in a couple of days and he is the most beautiful, sweet and funny boy you'll ever meet (I am partial but I think most people would agree). He is running, singing, dancing and my favourite - talking. When we left for our trip (19 months old) he was saying ma-ma, da-da, bath, bubbles, baby, bottle, sus (soother), and other small easy words. The week we were away he had a full out word explosion. He can literally copy most words we say and he can put 1 to 3 words together. "I did it!" is probably one of his favourite expressions - just today I showed him how to un-zip his zipper on his jacket and he proceeded to undo mine and then take off his zip-up sweater right afterwards. These kids are so freaking smart! He is honestly the light of both mine and Alex's life - I don't know what we did without him. Just seeing his little face makes my day. He loves jumping - especially into our arms from the top of the stairs or jumping off the bottom step and then clapping and yelling "Yayyyyy" for himself. Oh my love.

Ok, that's all for now. Will try not to wait too long before I post again.

xo
Jenn

Friday, September 21, 2012

Mean girls.

Yes, the good old mean girl. I, like most people have one in me and she sneaks out here and there to make an appearance. Mostly, she reminds me of the person I used to be and am now embarrassed about. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect - I still make fun, I still judge but I try hard not to unless it's in good fun with good friends and isn't taken seriously.

So as background, in public and high school I was on a mission to create a level playing field. I decided it was my purpose to ensure that the kids who "thought" they were cool (which was obviously my decision if they were deemed real cool or fake cool) that were mean to the actually nice not-so-cool kids were put in their place. So for instance, if Susan thought she was cool and made fun of Sophie who was a nice girl and didn't bother anyone I would make Susan's life a living hell.



I've explained this to people umpteenth times and everyone says "there's nothing wrong with that!" but oh my friend, there is. You see, I run into the people I decided to put in there place all the time. I live in the same town I grew up in. I am ashamed of how I acted and treated people just because I didn't agree with how they acted. Due to this, when one of them is serving me at a restaurant I hid my face and it even made me avoid getting into social media because I'd left that person behind and didn't want it to re-surface courtesy of others.

My latest "it always comes back tenfold" happened last night when I was working at my new job. I thought I saw someone I was not so nice to and it turns out he is now my co-worker - was just hired. Awesome, not. So not. I dodged him to high heaven last night and I am so nervous for what our first conversation will be like.

I started thinking about why I was the way I was and I actually think the whole "level playing field" was just an excuse to be mean to people because I was angry and upset about my parents splitting up so I decided to find a way to get my aggression out that no one would really call me out on. Pretty smart for a 12 year old, hey? However, I found myself out - about 18 years later. I'll catch you my pretty!

Anyways, my plan is to just be my real, self-assured self with anyone from the past I may meet. If it comes up, damn right I'm going to apologize but if it doesn't perhaps they're over it and have realized I was just an angry teen whose parents were in the middle of a divorce and was lashing out at whoever I felt I could without jeopardizing my morals too much.

Sometimes mean girls are mean for life, sometimes they grow-up. I'm in the adolescent stage and I hope I reach adulthood soon. I guess I'm going to find out soon when I have to confront my evil ways head on.

Now that was a difference post wasn't it? Interesting.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Baby crack withdrawals

Just for the hell of it. I thought that would be a fun title and I think I might be going through them.

Day two of back to work and man oh man I do not know how people get used to spending SO little time with their wee ones. It's fantastic working again and seeing all my work peeps but WHOA talk about an adjustment. I mean you go from 12 hours to 3 hours a DAY. WTF.

No idea how he or I will handle it if I get a part-time job on top of going back to work.

On the positive side babycakes is doing really well at his daycare home and I feel really comfortable with his sitter (who happens to be my girlfriends girlfriend - definitely helps).

I'm already dreaming up ways that I can be with him more often - job sharing, selling our house and working part-time evenings etc. everyone says you get used to it but I really can't see how it's possible.

Another thing that this time of year got me thinking is how awful it is that people want their kids to go back to school so they stop bothering them. I know I'm not in the position or anything but man - you brought these bundles of joy into the world and now you want them to leave you alone? Weird. Did you think it was going to be a super easy job? C'mon peeps!

Anywho, just an observation that I'd like to not follow the trend on. I'd prefer to work say 4-5 hours when the babe goes to bed so if anyone upstairs is listening and can make that happen you'd have a very happy camper down here. I might even go to church - PUH-LEASEEEEEEEE!!

Ta-ta.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Shreddin' it up

Anyone heard of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred?

I hadn't until one of hubbies friends wives told me about it. Said it kicks your you know what in a 20 minute workout and that you honestly get results.

Sounds good right? So I'm on day 4 and haven't actually had the moment when I think - oh shit I have to do that workout again and my head chants "I hate it, I hate it, I hate it".

When I'm doing the workout the end is in sight right from the very beginning...halfway through when I feel like punching myself in the face I think, hey, 10 more minutes...YOU CAN DO IT and I do.

So 4 days in and I feel good. I'm taking pictures daily of myself and will post photo of day 1 and photo of day 30 when I'm done. Let's hope the resuts are good. I have to tone down my eating but hey, I'm working out and that's half the battle.

So, for all of you thinking "I should" just do it, 20 minutes baby, 20 minutes.

Oh and if you want more deets about it basically it's 3 different circuits and they each are on a 3-2-1 basis. Three minutes strength, two minutes cardio and one minute abs.

Shred baby, shred!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Crushin' the ceiling.

Hm. Interesting title you say? Yes, it is isn't it!

So I said I was going to talk career moves in my next post...so here they are.

#1 - (and short term) I applied to a new role in my department which is a 1 year maternity leave position. I was urged to take the role before I left (which was full-time at that point and was filled with a girl who is now pregnant) but I didn't like the idea of going away for a year and having a contract person mould the brand new position and then come back and have to execute what they'd put together. Just didn't sit well with me. Looks like everything happens for a reason and the job is open as for September and guess when I go back to work? That's riiiiight - September. Done and done - I got it in the bag (not that I've interviewed yet but I just know it).

#2 - (not sure how long this will last) I'm getting a part-time job. I went for an interview at The Keg on Tuesday and after meeting with both the hiring manager and the scheduling manager I'm pretty sure that's in the bag. Training won't start until mid-August in hopes that the people they hire will be G2G in early September - I'm hoping the job will be fun (young people to work with and happy people on a fancy night out) as well as earn some extra loot for the much needed house related things we have coming up in the fall - such as a new furnace (2500) and a new ac unit (2500) in the spring. We're also going to need a new roof soon and I got a quote for that - $5000 bucks. FML.  So yes, a second job is required and I'm doing my best to be a positive patty about it. Other bonuses to working here are that we get discounts (YUM!) and they're only open for dinner so say from 3 or 4 p.m. (depending on weekday or weekend) and they close at 10. So all I'll really be missing babywise is dinner and bedtime which is the crankiest period anyways.

#3 - (long-ish term) I applied a month ago or so for a management position at the College and didn't get it because I applied too late and they were already conducting 2nd interviews (I got a call from my mentor the day after I applied saying they'd hired someone - BOO!). It showed that it was a full-time forever type job on the website but I heard through the grapevine that the person they hired they only offered a contract of 1 year to because they weren't sure he could hack it. I WILL GET THIS JOB IF IT COMES UP. No doubt, no doubt.

#4 - (SO LONG TERM IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY) I will be the Director of Communications and Marketing. I'm going to get my BPA in Communication Studies from Athabasca or I'll wait it out and see if UOIT offers something to DC staff. I'm not sure which route I'll take at the moment but I'm a big believer in things just falling into place so I'm hoping this will too! I worked in the department before, love it and just know it's my end spot. Not only will I love the job but I will also make it on the SUNSHINE LIST. Ya boyeee!

So, now that I've just put this on paper I'm accountable right? RIGHT!

Sweet.